Eclipse season musings

(Note: This essay was originally published on my Substack in March 2025 and is referencing the eclipse season of March 2025)

It is eclipse season. And wow has this one already started with a bang.

I'm going to share a little story time about my eclipse portal so far. This essay is part share/part my processing of what has already transpired. If you decide to read, thank you for being here with me! And please, share anything about your eclipse season so far in the comments - I would love to hear and hold space for your journey too.

Okay, first I have to start with the significance of March 2025 for my personal astrology. To start, March 3rd to about March 10/11 was my direct Saturn return. My natal Saturn is at 21 degrees pisces, opposing my sun at 18 degrees Virgo, my ascendant at 23 degrees Virgo and my Venus at 24 degrees Virgo. So my Saturn return activated (and honestly is still activating) my Saturn, sun, ascendant, and Venus placements. Aka a LOT of energy that has been stirred up by Saturn’s transit.

Then, the Virgo eclipse on the 13th-14th of March was at 23 degrees Virgo, which is exactly conjunct my ascendant and Venus placement.

And finally, as of the time I’m writing this, Saturn is about to move to 23 degrees, where it will activate my descendant in Pisces which is at 23 degrees. There’s a lot of energy I'm feeling right now.

On the night of the eclipse, I felt incredible. I felt ecstatic, like everything was about to work out in the best way possible. I spent a long time sitting outside with the trees, sky, sun, and later the stars that evening. It was absolutely magical. The best way to experience a direct-hit eclipse.

The next morning, on the 14th, my partner and I embarked on a roadtrip to scout a few new places we're considering moving to. We are ready to leave Colorado, which is equal parts sad and exciting. While Colorado is so beautiful on a nature level, it is just not our longterm home. And so off we went, in the midst of eclipse energy, to search for “what's next?”.

That first day of travel was a LONG day. We were on the road for about 11 hours including the stops we made along the way to stretch, eat, etc. The weather was insane that day, with strong winds and wind gusts all throughout our drive. Plus, by the time we were approaching our destination, there were wildfires nearby and we were driving through hazy, ashy landscape. That day, I felt a bit more anxiety. The initial ecstasy of the eclipse had lessened, and my body was feeling the ancestral energy we were driving towards.

The first place we arrived was in eastern Kansas, to visit my paternal family for the weekend. I felt a strong pull to stop through there, because until last weekend, I hadn't been back to this town where my paternal lineage has lived for the last couple generations in 7 years (with the exception of a less than 24 hour stay last October when we were there for a funeral).
I was born in the Kansas City area, and my parents left soon after I was born. I’ve lived all over the place, outside of the US and within the US, but I’ve never lived near my paternal family. In fact, this was the first time I’ve ever felt a strong pull that I neededto head there.
Let me go back to my personal astrology for a moment: my Saturn placement opposes my Sun, ascendant, and Venus. At the start of my Saturn return, an astrologer told me that this represents a strong connection to my paternal ancestry, and likely a strong pull towards bringing a lot of healing to this part of my lineage, especially during my Saturn return.
So, it wasn’t surprising to me that I was being called to the strongest land connection for my ancestry (at least in this country, because to be honest, the pull to Ireland and my Irish roots has been almost excruciatingly strong lately too).

If you're familiar with my story, you may have heard me speak about how my paternal grandfather, who transitioned from this life a decade ago, came through to me when I was learning I could channel and taught me how to heal myself from Lyme disease when I had come out of remission. He also shared with me that I was doing a ton of healing for my paternal ancestral lineage, that I was the pattern/curse breaker for the family, and that my illness was deeply related to old familial patterns. With his help, I was able to put myself in remission within about 3 weeks, and I have not had a Lyme flare in the 6 years since.

So, stopping through this little town in Kansas was definitely about thanking him and honoring him for his help in my healing. The first morning after we arrived, we went to the local Walmart (the only big store in town, we were pretty rural) to buy flowers, and then my partner drove us to where my grandparents are buried. My paternal lineage is deeply Catholic, so there are gravestones for each member of the family who has passed, and I walked to each, honored each ancestor, leaving a flower for them. I came to my grandparents last, and spent a few minutes thanking them for their help and support from the beyond. As I left, I laid flowers for them and for my aunts and uncle, their children, who have passed within the last few years.

This was part one of the ancestral eclipse story. I felt a big release after honoring my ancestors and thanking my grandparents. Like something big had energetically completed, not just for me, but for all of us.

Later in the day, I walked into the town's big Catholic Church. This church is just up the street from where my grandparents lived and my father grew up, it's where my grandparents' funeral masses were held, and it's a church that I have been to countless times over my childhood.
Up till Saturday, I had not walked into a Catholic Church for 6 or 7 years. The night before, after we arrived, my grandparents started calling me to walk into the church. I was up what felt like half the night, listening to the buzz of my ancestors welcoming me to the land and asking me to break some ancestral chains. And one of the loudest buzzes was from my grandparents, asking me to go to church. Honestly, I did briefly consider going to a catholic mass. I thought about attending as a connection to my ancestors. But attending mass did not: 1. fit in my schedule, or 2. align with my values. So I did not do that.

I officially* stopped being catholic when I was 16, in the days before I was meant to receive the sacrament of confirmation, when I told my parents and the bishop of the church I’d been taking confirmation classes at that I did not believe in religion and I would be lying if I vowed that I did during the confirmation ceremony. Obviously, that got me released from the confirmation class and I stepped onto my own path. That was a pretty ballsy move for me to make as a 16 year old, but I am so grateful for that younger version of me who knew who she was even then.
*I unofficially stopped being Catholic at the age of 8, shortly after my family moved to India. We were driving through the streets of the city one day, and I was looking at/asking about the Hindu temples we were passing. And I had a moment of extreme clarity, to this day one of the clearest memories I have. I thought to myself, “It’s all the same god. We’re all worshipping or connecting to the same energy but calling it by different name(s)”. And from that moment forward, I never felt connected to anything religious again, because it’s all the same and yet we fight each other on a global scale about whose religion or spiritual belief is true or not. I’ve never understood that.

Anyway, back to the story from this weekend:
If you grew up Catholic or have connections to Catholicism, you are probably aware of the term “catholic guilt”. Catholic guilt is used to describe the kind of perpetual sense of guilt you're taught to have as a catholic - guilt for being a sinner/original sin, guilt from the culture of sacrifice common in the Catholic Church, guilt associated with purity culture, etc. And when I walked into the church and called in my grandparents and asked them why they'd asked me, perhaps the least catholic member of their descendants, to walk into the church, they asked me to clear the “catholic guilt” from the lineage.
And really, where they started, was by connecting into my own suffering. I have been considering my connection to suffering over the last couple weeks, contemplating where I am attached to suffering still, even in small ways. Contemplating where I have felt like I couldn’t let go of suffering. And so, in that church, I felt the catholic guilt and suffering that was somatically weighing down on me. It was SO heavy. It was in my spine, my heart, my belly. A young inner child part showed herself to me and asked for help being retrieved from the catholic upbringing she had. The attachment to suffering as an ideology, a religious imprint, became SO clear to me, and how it was embedded into me during childhood.
Then, my ancestral lineage came into focus. I saw the generations of religious suffering weighing the lineage down. I saw the ancestors who wanted to be released. And so I started releasing, right there in that church (which was nearly empty thankfully). I started clearing the suffering, clearing the weight. I started shaking it off my body, somatically releasing all the catholicism and religion and suffering and restriction. I unlocked my lineage, I unlocked my spine. I shook it off and blew it out. And then I walked out of that church.

Cleared. Free.

Later that night, I cleared even more via the energy of sexuality and lovemaking with my partner. I cleared deep layers of guilt, suffering, purity culture that I didn’t even know were still in my body (I’ve done a lot of this work over the years, it was truly a surprise to find more to clear). I cleared a big piece of religious hypocrisy and guilt that I found layered into my vagina from a man who raped me a few years ago, verbally using Christian guilt as his excuse for doing so.

Finally, 2 days later, as I was drafting this essay, I tapped in once more to the catholic energy I could feel still buzzing within me. This time I was drawn into a deep shamanic journey trance, where I retrieved a soul piece trapped within the matrix of the church. I was also shown some really interesting and gnarly energetics connected to the energy of the church, something I’ll share later after I’ve had more time to process, clear, and deepen my understanding of what I saw.

Back to the timeline: Sunday, around noon, we both knew it was time to leave. I felt complete, filled up by seeing my family and clear from knowing I did my work. I have been working on putting down the responsibility of clearing everything for my ancestry, and I felt that responsibility trying to settle back on me.

So, we left to head up towards Kansas City, where we currently are, as we decided we might as well get a feel for the place and if we might want to live here (we'd love to be close to some family if possible when we move, so we thought this might be a good option). Plus, I'd been being called to Kansas so strongly by my ancestors we thought it would be good to see if perhaps we were being called to live here.

The short story to that is: we're not. This is not our place. We are cutting our time here short and will be moving on ASAP to search elsewhere.

And honestly, KC showed us from the start that this is NOT it.

We arrived in KC Sunday and walked into our Airbnb which was filthy. We left, found a hotel, and are waiting on a resolution (and hopefully a refund) from Airbnb.

Monday, we toured one place, looked around at different neighborhoods where we were trying to schedule showings, and we both just knew - this isn't it.

Until we made the decision to leave, my stomach had been hurting for 2 days straight. I felt anxious and jumpy. This is not our place. And I think I needed to FEEL that, to know that just because I was born here doesn’t mean I am meant to live here.

Remember, your intuition will tell you what's right. It's just up to you to listen to it. We could so easily decide to ignore our intuition and stay longer, tour more places, and try to make it work. But we both place a strong value on our gut feelings, so we know we need to honor what we're feeling now. And we already have confirmation that we’re making the right choice. Today, with plans in place to leave tomorrow, we both feel calmer, happier, and excited. And my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore.

And that's where we are right now. Working on plans, shifting our itinerary, ready to move on tomorrow morning (after we get a good bbq dinner, iykyk). Trusting our gut feelings and each other above ALL else. Seeing where else eclipse season may want to take us, and asking the universe to bring us to the right home for this next season of life.

This eclipse season is a life changing one. As we continue to integrate whatever the Virgo eclipse brought forward for us on Friday, we are also in a Mercury retrograde, a Venus retrograde, preparing for the Aries solar eclipse on March 29th, Neptune's journey into Aries at the end of the month, and the start of Aries season on March 21st. Basically, a LOT is happening. The next couple weeks are going to continue to invite all of us towards big change, and my best advice to you is to lean into it, flow with the change, and be open to being as adaptable as possible over the next couple weeks. We have no idea what's going to happen over the next few weeks, but we can control how we show up for whatever changes or challenges come to meet us.