Eclipse portal reflections (part 2)

(Note: This essay was originally published on my Substack in March 2025 and is referencing the eclipse season of March 2025)

Traveling during an eclipse portal is a crazy idea. I write this as a reminder to my future self to avoid eclipse season travels in the future if possible.

On the eve of the Aries eclipse, we started our journey back to Colorado. Similar to our initial travel day out of Colorado, on our first day we drove through crazy winds for a few hours, broken up by a stop at the Omaha zoo. When we arrived at the town we had a hotel reservation in for the night, we enjoyed a steak dinner, and then headed to the car to pull up the reservation, go to the hotel, and check in.

And lo and behold: as I opened the reservation, I saw that I had booked the hotel for the wrong dates.

I’ve never done that before and we both immediately took it as a sign to continue on.

At first we discussed full sending it and driving all the way back to Colorado that night, meaning we’d arrive to Zach’s parents (where we’re staying) around 3 am. And then I remembered I had scheduled a morning client session, and if we left central time and got back to Colorado that night I would have to get up even earlier for the call on way less sleep.

Instead, we decided instead to drive a couple hours further, into Kansas, before stopping for the night. I found us a hotel with an opening and off we went.

We arrived around 10 pm, and headed to bed as quickly as possible. All that travel on the eve of an eclipse was draining and we were both feeling it.

Saturday morning after my session, we hit the road again, driving this time through rain, then wind, hesitantly blue skies, and finally rain again.

As we prepared to cross back over the border to Colorado, Zach at the wheel, I sank into a journey to Colorado herself. Friday night we were discussing our departure from Colorado and how we both feel like we’ve been being pushed out of Colorado for at least a year. One way that’s been shown to me personally has been via my car. In my 4 years of living in Colorado, I’ve had to file multiple claims with my car insurance, because of either other people’s driving (an accident that was not my fault) or weather incidents (hail, rocks that cracked windshields). So one of my requests for Colorado in my journey was to ask for safe passage for the 2 weeks we’re here, because we are listening and leaving. I don’t need reminders anymore to leave (and I’d really appreciate it if I didn’t get another cracked windshield).

My journey with the spirit of Colorado was full of messages that are similar to ones I’ve been receiving from the land for over a year now. Messages that we needed to not live there anymore. Messages that this state is not our place right now. But also messages about the energy of the land itself. I have been shown via shamanic journeys for quite a while now that the mountains of Colorado hold a lot of karma - karma of our ancestors, karma from the people living in them, karma of the collective. There is undeniable beauty here, but beneath that beauty is a darkness, the karma. And the truth is that all land has karma and darkness, so I’m not saying that Colorado specifically is dark or bad. My understanding is this: each place, whether it’s a state, or country, or city, or mountain range, etc, holds some aspect of human/collective/ancestral karma. And each of us is going to be called to different places and types of karma for different reasons.

I believe I was called to Colorado because there was ancestral healing left to do here for my lineage, and because I had personal karma that needed to be brought up and dealt with. And that’s exactly what I’ve done while I’ve lived here.

Now though, we're absolutely being called by the grids of the land to be in different energy.

Back to being pushed out of Colorado though, because I want to explain that, as on the surface it feels like a silly idea. How can a whole state push you away? But that’s truly been our experience. We’ve spent considerable time exploring other places to live in Colorado, in fact our first choice was not to leave the state. For at least 18 months we have researched, discussed and considered multiple places within Colorado to live, and every idea turned into a dead end.

We have felt, over and over, a strong push out. At first we looked at going west. But that was also a no. The push was east. “Head east” the land kept urging. So we widened our search. We started considering the Midwest, which I’ve of course already shared in my last post.

And so we left during the Virgo eclipse and headed east. We drove around parts of the Midwest, keeping our search radius within a few hours of my family, because we do not want to move really far from a support network at this time.

Long story short is that we found a place for the next year. We are moving the second week of April and heading to Des Moines, Iowa. The land is calling us there, and the intuitive pull that Zach especially has felt there for a few months as we researched and looked for places to live has been strong. When we arrived in Des Moines, so much fell into place so quickly - a beautiful place to live, job opportunities, meeting very kind people…The synchronicities piled up and as intuitive people, we could not ignore them. We have no idea what living in Des Moines will be like, as the 9 days we spent there was the first time either of us had ever even been in Iowa…but we are committed to trying it out for a year, seeing what happens for us, and continuing to listen to each other, our intuition, and the land.

Another draw to Iowa for our next step is that while there, I felt some of the strongest star energy I've felt in a while. In one of the womb school sessions I led while we were traveling, the energy I was able to tap into and open up for us was literally beyond this world/ paradigm. So I am excited to continue playing in those frequencies.

And, at the moment, as I reflect on the end of this Colorado journey, I'm feeling such deep gratitude for the past version of me who moved to Colorado a little less than 4 years ago and found herself.

She found herself by facing her deepest fears: living alone far from family, running her own business, heartbreak, events that made her question her abilities, intuition, and gifts, violations of her body + spirit, her ancestral pain and the pain of her past.

She was courageous and perhaps a little naive.

She had no idea how much initiation she was about to go through. She had no idea how much she'd be tested - and how much it would take to overcome it.

She thought she had it all figured out.

Spoiler: she did not.

And here's my vulnerable truth: When the part of me that thought I had it figured out shattered, I let it shatter so much of me.

I let it shatter my belief in myself

I let it shatter my confidence in being seen.

I let it shatter my belief in what I can offer the world.

And I went into my darkest night of the soul yet to heal and piece all those shattered bits back together. I am immensely proud of the work I've done in the last few years. There is not a dark shadowy aspect of anything that I have not looked at and loved within myself.

I have discovered some of my most powerful, amazing spiritual/ shamanic gifts from this journey. (Like the womb rites and totality healing).

I have built the most loving, supportive partnership I could have dreamed of.

I did all of that while supporting incredible clients through their journeys as well.

And up until this eclipse season, I was still letting parts of me hide.

I was still letting parts of my mind, tiny insidious little voices tell me l wasn't good enough.

Letting little fear voices tell me I would risk my peace if I opened back up like I was pre-2022.

Letting little voices in my mind tell me that I moved to Colorado SO OPEN to connection and magic and then experienced a lot of betrayal. And so the story in my mind kept saying that I wasn't safe from that happening again.

And so I played safe. I have not shared lots of offers or stories about my work. I have not been very active on social media. I have tried to protect my peace and just focus on my friends, family, and clients.

But my soul won't let me.

And in this eclipse season, as we traveled, as I was in different energy outside of the mountains, I saw those little mind stories clearly, FINALLY.

And I saw that they're not true. I mean on one hand obviously they're not true. But I couldn't see them clearly enough to fully let them go.

This eclipse cycle showed me the perfectionist tendencies I need to put down (Virgo eclipse) and the outdated relationship (Aries-Libra axis) to my power, voice, and truth, that it's time to let go of.

The self doubt that I've nurtured and kept alive.

And as I unraveled these tiny, almost hidden threads and pulled it all out, everything fell into place for us to move.

Colorado has given me some incredible gifts: the pain, heartache, doubt, all of the darkness that has come up for me while living here has been a gift. The mountains have helped me find everything I am not and clear out space for who I am. And when I fully accepted that gift, the land let go and our moving plans have flowed with ease. We have a symbiotic relationship with every land we live on. And my time living with these mountains could not end with hurt or anger. It's ending with love and gratitude. And that's all the cycle was asking from me: find your way back home to yourself.

I will truly miss the mountains. I will miss the beauty of this land.

But the land and I are complete with each other (for now. I have no idea what the future holds).

For now: expect to see much more from me here. I will be sharing more because I am letting my voice fully free again.

What a doozy of an eclipse season this has been. And technically, it’s not even over yet (eclipse seasons end at the first normal full or new moon after the last eclipse). We’re still integrating everything eclipse season has brought up for us. So I'm also excited to keep integrating all this energy over the next couple weeks.

I’d love to hear how this second eclipse impacted you - please feel free to leave a comment and share if you’d like to!