Next level

Life is about changing + evolving

I shared a shorter version of the following essay on my Instagram stories the other day. When I shared it there it resonated with a lot of people. So I decided to take that original, shorter message and expand on it here.

This essay is meant to serve as a reminder that your needs are going to change and evolve as you do. This is healthy and needed. You are not living a stagnant or static life. You are growing and changing in every season, and your life should reflect that. We get ourselves stuck in life when we don’t allow change to flow unencumbered. This is an exploration of parts of life where you will inevitably change, and how to get un-stuck when you’ve been resisting it.

What you need is going to change throughout your life and you are allowed to let it.

What you need in your career or work is going to change. What you need in your relationships is going to evolve. And what you need from life is going to change and evolve as well.

1. Your business or career gets to change and evolve as you do.
   I’ll use myself as an example to illustrate this: I have had a business for over 5 years now, and I’ve worked full time in my business for almost 4 years. The offerings I sell and the way I do business has changed immensely. I don’t teach the same things that I taught about 4 or 5 years ago, because I’ve grown and evolved, and so have my audience and my students! The growing pains of this evolution were painful and at times ugly. Years 3 and 4 of my business were hard, as I went through a crash course on how to let things evolve, and questioned everything that I knew, taught, and believed in as I figured it all out. The biggest lesson I’ve learned over the last few years is that if I don’t let my work change with me, it will never feel sustainable. In this case, sustainable doesn’t mean stagnant - it means something that is able to continue growing and evolving to meet your needs, even as they shift.

We are meant to fill our life with what is sustainable - things, relationships, ideas, beliefs that flow with us and evolve as we do.

1. You’re allowed to change in your relationships.
   The needs and wants you have for your relationships are going to evolve as you grow older and wiser, move through new life changes, and gain clarity about what you desire to give and receive with the people in your life.
   A few weeks ago I shared an essay about transitioning from the Maiden phase of life to the Mother phase of life. As I have navigated this transition, I have noticed how my relationship needs are changing to accommodate my evolving Mother energy. I have been learning how to focus my energy even more, instead of sharing it anywhere and everywhere - something that felt natural to do as a maiden, when I was still learning who I was and how to nurture relationships. I’ve been redefining boundaries in relationships, so that I can give to the people I love, while also receiving what I need in return. I have always tended to struggle with over-giving in relationships, and this transition phase has really taught me how important it is to break that habit.

   All this to say, remember that it is okay if what you need from your relationships is different now than it was a few years ago, or even just a few months or weeks ago. You are meant to grow and so are the people around you. The mark of a good relationship is one that can grow with you, accepting and meeting you where you’re at — as long as you’re being reciprocal with this as well!

2. How you need to live life is going to change.
   It’s so easy to get stuck in the groove of doing things how you’ve always done them. We are generally creatures of habit, wanting to know what to expect day in and day out. Think about how many of us (maybe most of us?) have control issues — because we want to know what to expect out of life. And because of these tendencies, it’s easy to end up in a groove, stuck in old habits that may not actually serve where you want to go in life anymore.

   When you get stuck in the groove of doing things how you’ve always done them, you may find yourself waking up one day (or even day after day) wondering why you feel stuck or off or drained. And the reason is simple - because you’ve locked yourself, often unintentionally, in an old groove that needs to be shed so that you have the room to show up as your evolved self, ready to create a new groove.

Let this be a reminder, or perhaps the permission you need, to let your needs, work, relationships, hobbies, self care, and life in general change with you.

You don’t have to keep using the same templates that worked years ago when they’re not working now. Templates are meant to change, so it may be time to let an old template go.

In fact, if you've been feeling stuck or lost or uninspired, stop and take a look at what grooves you're following in life.

Are you taking the same actions over and over again, expecting that one day the outcome will magically be different?

Are you thinking the same thoughts or ruminating on the same things over and over again, hoping that if you think about it for the thousandth time things will finally be different?

Are you talking about the same things over and over? Hoping for more validation or opinions or input to help you make the decision you already know you need to make?

Are you continually hoping for change in some part of life without actually doing anything consistently differently? Quick fixes don’t work, yet we’re all addicted to them. The idea of a quick fix is intoxicating, but eventually disappointing. So are you looking for quick fixes?

Are you constantly making decisions from survival mode, without taking time to stop and think about what you actually need - what actually would help pull you out of that groove of survival, finally?

If any of these ring true for you…Congratulations, you're not alone and you're human!

Just because you're not alone and you're human doesn't give you a pass for stagnancy.

Because, getting out of those habitual grooves is how you get to the “Next Level” of your life — something most of us are chasing, without knowing how to get there.

As the saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. And it will only support you to let what needs to change, change.

Below are my top tips to get out of the familiar but habitual grooves that aren't helping you grow or reach your next level:

1. Stop talking about it.
   That's it. Stop talking about the groove you're stuck in with 95% of people in your life. Stop giving it energy and rehashing how you want to get out of it.

2. Start taking action.
   If you need help figuring out what action to take, get one trusted person to talk to, ideally someone who can help you see beyond your limitations (hi - that’s my work, by the way!) and start moving in silence.

3. The world doesn't need to know your plans.
   Keep them sacred and the energy pure. We have so much connection to each other these days and we don't have the capacity to filter out everyone else's opinions, energies and ideas.
   That's not an insult. No matter how gifted you are at energetic hygiene this is just fact. It's exhausting, and we haven’t evolved to be able to truly handle the amount of input we now get from other people. You can navigate this by just not inviting anyone who is not part of your plans into them.
   Again, this is where a trusted person can help you hold space and make moves if you desire that type of support.

4. Get focused.
   You don't have to have a perfect vision to focus on. Start small. Focus on one thing. Get that done and then pivot to the next.
   A byproduct of focus is more creativity and flow. Once you start focusing and moving forward, you'll probably notice that more ideas and creativity flow into you because you're getting out of your own way in real time.

   The truth is, the more you focus on where you don't want to be, the more you keep yourself there (annoying, right?).

   I'm not saying don't have community or people you talk to and share with. Of course you need that, we all do!
   But when you're really serious about getting out of an old groove and starting a fresh one, keep your energy close to yourself.

   That will allow you to focus your energy on where you're going and help you resource yourself to do what you need to do. Which includes giving yourself the permission to show up differently in life, work, relationships, hobbies, and really just everything.
   I have found this to be the most effective way to get out of old energy and start a new groove. Oversharing your energy will drain you, and when you’re desiring to shift out of the old, you need your energy focused on your path.

5. Redirect your mental energy when it starts to follow the old path.
   There are going to be times when the old, familiar groove shows up and beckons your brain to the old mental patterns, worries, or fears. When this happens, you’ve got to be strong, steel your resolve, and say, “Nope, not today.” Then you’ve got to distract yourself. Go for a walk. Pick up a book. Talk to your trusted support person. And sometimes, those old mental patterns will win for a bit and you’ll have to walk back out of them. That’s okay. It’s part of the process of building a new groove. What’s important is that you redirect yourself as much as possible. That’s going to help the new groove you’re building get stronger.

6. Remember that it’s going to take time
   You didn’t build the old habitual patterns overnight. You won’t build new ones overnight either. You know this, you’ve heard it before, but it’s easy to forget it. So I’m adding this in as a reminder - because we can never have too many reminders to give ourselves grace and know that good things take time. Remember, there are no quick fixes! Not ones that actually work long term anyway.

And there you have it - a blueprint to get out of the old groove and start creating a new one.

How you live life is going to evolve as you grow and change — and it will serve you well to allow change to flow, instead of fighting against it. When you don’t know how to stop fighting the change, and you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, that’s when it’s time to examine in which grooves you might be stuck.

Everyone wants to find their “next level”. Well, I can tell you where your next level is: on the other side of the habitual ways you live, interact with others, think, feel, and react to life.

If you’re ready to finally get out of the old habits, reach out to me (email: shannon@healingintuitively.com). This type of work is my speciality, and I would love to chat about how I can support you in the journey to your next level.

Thoughts on this essay? Let me know in the comments!